April Summers Wallpaper

Police: Woman bit boyfriend's penis during argument

PRESS-CITIZEN - Police said a woman bit her boyfriend’s penis during an argument earlier this month. According to Coralville Police, officers responded to 617 Fourth Ave. on April 11 after a 911 call came from that residence. Police said 32-year-old Lucina V. Kinder and her live-in boyfriend got in an argument that escalated when Kinder punched her boyfriend – who is not identified – in the face, scratched his shoulder and then bit his penis, causing it to bleed. The two have been living together for more than a year, police said. Kinder was arrested this week and charged with domestic assault without intent to cause injury, a serious misdemeanor.

I'll say it's a serious misdemeanor, and I don't like this Miss' Demeanor.  I think Lucinda should be a little "kinder."  (See how I did that? That's professional interwebberblogging right there, folks.)

Anyway, are there two worse words to see in a sentence than "penis" and "bite?"  Well, maybe "penis" and "machete" but that's another story for another day.  The question is, will Lucinda use the Hunger Defense?  Like, "Your Honor, I was famished and my man's Johnson just looked so good I couldn't resist the urge to take a little nibble." Word to the wise, Lucy. I don't think I'd try it.  Keep those lips shut for once.

Maria Topp

Mother 'bit off boyfriend's testicles' in drunken 4am attack

ENGLAND - A mother-of-four has appeared in court accused of biting off her boyfriend's testicles in a drunken attack. Martin Douglas, 45, underwent emergency surgery to reattach his genitals after the alleged attack by Maria Topp. Mr Douglas, a DJ, called 999 in excruciating pain and operators struggled to understand what he was saying. Paramedics who attended his flat in Newcastle called police and Topp was arrested. She has since appeared in court charged with GBH over the February 18 incident in which Mr Douglas was also injured in the arm, the Daily Mirror reported. The victim was forced to spend several days in hospital recovering from his injuries. A police spokesman: 'At around 4am on Friday, February 18, police were called to a report of an assault. 'Officers attended and arrested a 43-year-old woman on suspicion of assault. 'A 45-year-old man was taken to the Freeman hospital for treatment to injuries to his arm and groin area. 'Police have since charged Maria Georgina Topp, 43, with causing GBH.'Topp, of Gateshead, will appear at Newcastle Crown Court next month.

Where to begin? Okay, let's start:

1. Look at the choppers on this vampire. Impressive. You can fit a straw through most Brits' front teeth.
2. How can you possibly let a woman bite off the baby-makers? She must have a clamp like a pitbull.
3. Do they taste like chicken?
4. Do raw balls taste better than cooked balls?
5. One at a time, or both in one bite?
6. Did she spit out the hair?
7. Did she try to swallow or was she just gonna spit 'em across the room?
8. How many punches to the head did she take?
9. Is it ironic that you live in "Gateshead?" Obviously no gates on that head.
10. What. The. Fuck?

I'm done.

Oh you crafty, crafty reptile. Mesmerizing this little hottie with your deep, dark-eyed stare right before you go in for some boob lunch. Master stroke. You are a wise and wiley one. Props to you.

PS - I learned from a Woody Allen movie a long time ago that the first thing you're supposed to do after a snakebite is suck the poison from the wound. Any volunteers?