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Police: Mother Gave Child Four Loko

HOUSTON - A woman is in jail after police say she allowed her 20-month-old child to drink the alcoholic beverage Four Loko and left the child unattended. Lashawanda Allen, 32, has been charged with endangering a child, a felony offense. Officers and emergency personnel came to Allen's home Feb. 21 after a call to police. One officer said Allen would not allow her child to be taken to the hospital when police and emergency personnel first arrived to her apartment unit on Yale Street near Patrick Street in northwest Houston, according to the probable cause statement in the case against Allen. She later allowed the child to be taken to LBJ General Hospital. Tests at the hospital determined the baby had a blood alcohol content of 0.09 from consuming the Four Loko. Allen's roommate told police Allen had walked away to a neighboring building and left the door to their apartment unit unlocked, according to the probable cause statement. The roommate, identified in the statement as Enriquetta Elias, also told police Allen told her the 20-month-old child was drunk. Elias also said found Allen's 4-month-old daughter hanging off a bed with a sheet tangled around her waist. A neighbor found the 20-month-old child near the apartment complex parking lot apparently intoxicated and falling down, which prompted the neighbor to contact an ambulance...

And people want to ban this stuff?  Hey, the little kid was probably causin' all kinds of trouble, just buggin' the shit out of his moms, naggin' her left and right.  Like, "Moms, I'm hungry.  Moms, I'm thirsty.  Mom's, change my diaper."  That's how these little 20-month old bastards are.  Completely unreasonable.  Just a total handful.  Needy, needy, needy.  Moms just figured if the kid got liquored up a little bit she might finally be able to get a little peace and quiet.  But no, the little bastard was still up to no good and had to go messin' around in the parking lot, stumblin' around and fallin' down and shit.  What a freakin' trouble maker!  .09 blood alcohol level and he's still bein' a little prick!  Wow, Lashawanda, you just can't catch a break....

Those dastardly Russians. Always working on secret projects that will help them take over the world. Looks like they've mastered levitation now. Can't you just see how this will translate to the battlefield? They'll be jumping up over our tanks, levitating over our minefields, shooting up into trees and buildings. Even if we capture a few of 'em, they'll just fly right out of our prison camps. Our soldiers won't have a chance! How can you possibly defeat an army of flying Bolsheviks! There's a new generation of flying Russkies and they're coming to get us. Damn you, Putin!

And by the way, this has to be a Russian squirrel, right?