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Half-price beer for dead bunnies

NZHERALD - A Wanaka bar has come up with a novel idea to help with central Otago's rabbit plague - offering half-priced beer jugs for four dead rabbits this weekend. Bullock Bar manager Margo Johnston said the promotion was not only to reduce the rabbit numbers, but also because the New Zealand Warriors were playing the Sydney Rabbitohs in a rugby league match in Auckland tomorrow. "Hopefully it will eradicate a few rabbits from Central Otago farmland," she told The Southland Times. The dead rabbits were expected to be turned into dog food.

What do the good folks in New Zealand have against bunnies?  Oh, I get it. It's rabbits, not bunnies. Good thing they didn't say chicks.   ;-)

THE TELEGRAPH - A handwritten recipe for "small beer" created by Washington in 1757, while serving in the Virginia militia, has been published by the New York Public Library. The recipe, which was found in Washington's "Notebook as a Virginia Colonel", lists the ingredients as bran hops, yeast and molasses – an addition that may explain his infamously rotten teeth.
"Take a large Sifter full of Bran Hops to your Taste," Washington instructed. "Boil these 3 hours then strain out 30 Gall into a cooler [and] put in 3 Gall Molasses while the Beer is Scalding hot." "Let this stand till it is little more than Blood warm then put in a quart of Yeast if the Weather is very Cold [then] cover it over with a Blanket & let it Work in the Cooler 24 hours then put it into the Cask".
A 15-gallon batch of Washington's beer is to be made to mark the library's centenary by the Coney Island Brewing Company, under the name "Fortitude's Founding Father Brew".
While half the batch will stay faithful to Washington's original recipe, the other half will contain malted barley instead of molasses, which may make it more palatable to modern drinkers.

Take that, Sam Adams! Get me bran hops, yeast and molasses immediately. If it's good enough for the man on the dollar bill it's good enough for me. This must be the stuff that carried the Minutemen through those harsh winters and gave them the liquid balls to beat down the Redcoats. This is just the kind of thing that gets a Bahtendah goin' on a Friday. Splendid, by George!

FLORIDA - Polk County Sheriff’s detectives are looking for a beer robber. It happened on Wednesday, April 27, 2011, at the E-Z Food Store located at 15 Acuff Road in Lake Wales. The suspect, seen on video surveillance, got out of the front passenger side of a black Chevy Lumina with dark tinted windows and no tag, and walked into the store. Moments later the suspect then ran out of the store with two cases of Bud Light beer. The robber tripped and fell, dropping the beer all over the parking lot, then jumped into the backseat of the waiting vehicle and fled the scene. Investigators describe the suspect as a white male in his mid-20s, wearing blue jeans, a green T-shirt, a dark colored ballcap with a white logo on it, and black sneakers.

Fumble! Hey coach, don't draft this kid. His quickness isn't bad. Recovery time nothin' to sneeze at. But he can't hold onto the rock! Turnovers are everything when ya get to the big time and we just can't be havin' this shit. Nope - pass. Not even an invitation to camp.

Police: Man hid in Walgreens for beer

UPI.COM - Police in Kansas said a burglar hid inside a Walgreens store until it closed and tried to leave with a case of Bud Light beer. Wichita police said they responded to the Walgreens store at 21st and Maize Road Saturday night after a burglar alarm was tripped at the store, KDFI-FM, Wichita, reported Tuesday. Officers arrived to find a 25-year-old man near the store with a case of Bud Light. The man allegedly told officers he hid inside the store because employees refused to sell him the beer. He said he waited until the store was closed and employees had left to emerge and with the beer. Police said he apparently tripped the burglar alarm on the way out. He was placed under arrest.

Let me get this straight. You hide in a store, wait for it to close and then all you try to walk out with is a case of beer? This dude is such a lightweight he's pathetic. Have some balls, kid. If you're gonna take the risk, make it worthwhile. It's Walgreen's - there's a whole lotta shit in that store and they have shopping carts! How 'bout some pizza? Or pretzels? Or maybe, like, a cash register? C'mon young fella, you're just a laughing stock without the creativity, destined to spend your career in the minors. Such a waste....

Alleged beer bandit finally canned for stealing 2,400 beers

SAN ANTONIO - The Alamo City may have an alleged king of beer run thefts. Santiago Martinez was arrested by San Antonio police on accusations of a three month crime spree where more than 2,400 beers were stolen. Martinez was charged with theft of $1,500-$20,000. He remains behind bars trying make a $15,000 bond.An arrest warrant said the 24-year-old stole from eight different San Antonio Valero convenience stores between Nov. 28 and Feb. 25. In fact, police said they had 28 separate criminal cases against him. He allegedly took 18 packs of beer. Police said he stole 134 of them worth almost $2,900. The warrant said Martinez can be seen in 26 surveillance videos and still shots from the crimes. Investigators said their beer run suspect admitted he was the person in 17 of those security photos. According to the warrant, other suspects and suspected vehicles are visible in the footage as well.

Let's do some quick math. 2,400 beers in 3 months is 800 per month. That translates to roughly 27 beers a day. Bravo, Santiago - that's quite the belly you're building. The problem is that you're so shitfaced on a daily basis you probably didn't notice that you were showin' up on 26 surveillance videos. You've been on TV more lately than college basketball. Stay thirsty, my friend!

Please note: The Speakeasy never has and never will endorse a non-alcoholic beer (unless they pay mad money to put banners on the site).

Did you think it would be any other beer today? Not on your life!!! Erin Go Bragh!!!

PRESS-ENTERPRISE - Beer. It's not just for couch potatoes anymore. A Bavarian brewmeister is touting its no-alcohol beer as the latest sport drink for athletes, handing it out at the finish line of sporting events and touting its regenerative benefits. Unlike Gatorade, Erdinger Alkoholfrei is served up with a frothy head. And it comes in one color -- a golden hue -- unlike conventional sport drinks. Several top athletes from Europe quaffed the beverage from giant mugs on the podium of the World Cup biathlons held this month in northern Maine. The company touts the beverage as an isotonic, vitamin-rich, no-additive beverage with natural regenerative powers that help athletes recover from a workout. In other words, it's carbohydrate-loaded refreshment without the alcoholic buzz of beer or the jitters caused by some energy drinks. "It's a very healthy product," said Glenn McDonald, U.S. manager for Erdinger. "Overseas, it's very popular. It's the No. 1 non-alcohol beer in Germany." Even though it's called alcohol-free, Alkoholfrei still contains less than 0.5 percent alcohol. That makes it verboten for anyone under 21 in Maine. Other states, like California, allow minors to buy alcohol-free beer. Promoted as a "sports and fitness drink," Erdinger began targeting athletes in 2001 in Europe with an advertising campaign featuring a pair of triathletes. Its popularity quickly grew in Europe, where it's often distributed for free in the finishing area of sporting events...

Is this the greatest invention since sliced bread or the stupidest idea of all time? I'm gonna go with stupid. After you work out, do you want a real beer or a fake one? I want a real beer and I want a few. That's why you work out in the first place - to be able to drink more beer and not turn into a fat load. If I liked fake beer, I'd already be drinking it.  It's called O'Doul's.  Never drank it, never will.  Gatorade, you have nothing to fear.