April Summers Wallpaper

Let this be a lesson, kiddies - always wear your helmet.   Oh, wait, never mind.

You broke through the line of scrimmage, put some nasty moves on a couple of linebackers, ran over a defensive back and now you're in the clear. Suddenly, the ball slips out of your grasp just before crossing the goal line....

Nice try, homes. What the fuck is wrong with these people? The amount of sympathy I have for this dude wouldn't fill a thimble. You wanna play with the big boys? Get out of the kiddie park!  Small time dickwads play in small time arenas and it doesn't get any more small time than this pathetic attempt.  Destined for a life ridin' buses in the minor leagues with no hope for the call-up to the show.  Parkour pussy.  Bang.  Done.  Pay attention.

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Hey wait, did I just hear LeBron James call this dude a retard? Uncalled for LBJ, uncalled for. That is all.

FLORIDA - Polk County Sheriff’s detectives are looking for a beer robber. It happened on Wednesday, April 27, 2011, at the E-Z Food Store located at 15 Acuff Road in Lake Wales. The suspect, seen on video surveillance, got out of the front passenger side of a black Chevy Lumina with dark tinted windows and no tag, and walked into the store. Moments later the suspect then ran out of the store with two cases of Bud Light beer. The robber tripped and fell, dropping the beer all over the parking lot, then jumped into the backseat of the waiting vehicle and fled the scene. Investigators describe the suspect as a white male in his mid-20s, wearing blue jeans, a green T-shirt, a dark colored ballcap with a white logo on it, and black sneakers.

Fumble! Hey coach, don't draft this kid. His quickness isn't bad. Recovery time nothin' to sneeze at. But he can't hold onto the rock! Turnovers are everything when ya get to the big time and we just can't be havin' this shit. Nope - pass. Not even an invitation to camp.

Mad props for this security guard. It's pretty clear he took some meaningful shots to the dome but he stood his ground and turned back this Jesse James wannabe. I remember reading about those old Pinkerton security guards in the Wild West. Supposedly they were as mean and tough and bad-ass as it gets. Well, my friend, I hereby nominate you as an honorary Pinkerton. Well played, my man.

Before you all email me, I know this video is old. I'm only posting it because it hits home right now. A couple of weeks ago I attended a "motivational" meeting with a company in my area. It was without a doubt the biggest fuckin' joke I have ever seen. They had an old ex-NFL player speak to everyone about perseverance, winning, etc. Well, it just so happens that I know this guy and he's the biggest prick on planet earth. Total skirt chaser (yup, he's married), never met a line of coke he didn't like, and an alcoholic like you read about. His big act is to let chicks wear his Super Bowl ring and see if that gets him laid. Just totally reminded me of this dick on the video. Had to do it. Thanks for watchin'.

C'mon you freakin' rednecks. Granny needs to see her babies grow old. And if you keep puttin' her on a dirt bike with no protection that ain't happenin'. Our oldie oldster here is gonna break a hip or a pelvis. This is borderline elderly abuse. You'd be flogged and thrown in the pokey in China and half the other countries around the world. Whatever happened to scrapbooking or knitting a sweater? Get with the program you douche bags. Play nice. If it weren't for her you wouldn't be alive. Pay attention!

It must suck to get beaten up by a speedbag.  Are these the only two guys on planet earth that have never actually thrown a punch in anger?  Cuz I could stand my 6-year-old nephew on a stool and he'd rack up more points than these sissies.  They probably wanted to beat up the dude who posted this on YouTube and he must've looked at 'em like, "Are you serious?  You can't hit a target that isn't even moving!"  Get used to it, boys.  I don't see you gettin' your way on many things, like, for the rest of your lives.

First of all, these are 8-foot rims. And this kid can't even get the rock up over the iron. Really? Then to top it off, he lands like the biggest spaz in the history of spaziness. Not kiddin' - I know 5th graders who can throw it down better than this douche. Get off the court! Pay attention!

I can see the difficulty in trying to pull off this amazing, fantastic, death-defying three foot jump from one dumpster to the other. The weather conditions need to be just right, the wind below 10mph, the sneakers with the perfect tread. So if all this preparation went into the stunt, why not make sure the landing area could support your fat ass? Details, my little daredevils, details!

Right back atcha, brother! Gotta love it when the prankster gets pranked. The kid bendin' over probably lost some bet or somethin' and our soccer star here figured this would be a good way to make him pay. Nice try dickwad - next time just take the 5 bucks. Pay attention!

Cal Clutterbuck. More like Cal Clusterfuck. Like he's never heard that before. Cal can't get away from that bench fast enough, huh? That's one of those moments in life where ya just want to disappear. Nothing you can do. Nothing you can say. You got owned in front of 15,000 people. You just gotta take your lumps and hope to skate another day.

That's right all you criminals out there, rest easy. The new generation of cops and FBI agents is training right now and it's gonna be good for ya. Rob every joint you can find and get in a guns-a-blazin' shootout cuz all the cops will be doin' is knockin' each other off one by one. You'll make off with the cash while all the coppers treat each other for friendly fire. Bang. Pay attention!

And just like all soccer players he starts moaning and groaning about how it wasn't his fault. Cry me a river ya big wussbag. "The ref shoulda called foul." "The player ran into me." How 'bout this Mr. Goalie-baby? You suck. Bang.

Rumblin', bumblin', stumblin'. What really surprises me here is that this guy didn't shoot himself in the head. I'm dead serious. If you're about to rob a cashier in a convenience store, you probably already got an itchy trigger finger. Now add the fact that your palms are sweaty, you're all flummoxed tryin' to get your ski mask on and the next thing you know you've got a headless burglar. Deep breaths you little thief, deep breaths....

You keep makin' 'em, I'll keep posting 'em. Schadenfreude is great therapy. Nothing makes you feel better about your own life than watching some dildo plant himself face first into the ground. Gravity's a bitch, but I am that bitch's horny lover!  Send any good fails to Bahtendah@gmail.com - let's see if they make the cut!

Just the latest fail from some foreign military exercise. The internet is full of this stuff. People with guns that explode when they shouldn't, bombs that are just little puffs, rocket launchers that backfire and it just goes on and on. Seems like Captain Kangaroo is in charge in most of these places. Keep trying, dudes, one day you'll get it right.....