April Summers Wallpaper

NYDAILYNEWS - A Florida woman was busted by cops after she allegedly attempted to hide a knife in her "private area," police said. Gloria Esther Perez, 25, faces a charge of carrying a concealed weapon after her arrest in April. Fort Myers cops discovered the unusual hiding spot after responding to a report of Perez fighting with another woman, a police report said. When approached by an officer, Perez and the other woman, Whitney Noelle Krimmel, 28, were "very cooperative," telling him they were fighting over buying cigarettes, police said. However, the longer police remained, the more "nervous" the women appeared to be, the report said. An officer also noticed that Perez was becoming increasingly fidgety, "putting hands into her pockets and near her private area like she was trying to conceal something." Enlisting the help of a female deputy, Perez was searched and found to be hiding dozens of prescription pills, police said.Perez then "became ill," the police report states, and was taken to a hospital. Once there, it was discovered she was concealing two knives. One was tucked within the folds of her fat while the other was "hidden in her vagina." In addition to the concealed weapons charge, Perez faces several charges relating to the possession of narcotics.

These weapons of mass destruction must have been butter knives. Otherwise, how is it that G-L-O-R-I-A wasn't bleedin' all over the place? Now contrary to what some of you more feisty fans out there believe, I don't have a vagina, but I've seen one or two in my lifetime and am vaguely familiar with that specific piece of anatomy. Not so much of an expert on rolls of fat though, thankfully. But from my limited experience, the "vajayjay canal" would not be the preferred storage vehicle for sharpened stainless steel. I say drop the current charges and book this dipshit for what should be a crime in all 50 states - Misdemeanor Ridonkulous Moronic-ness. That's right, MRM for short should be a crime all across the glorious US of A because it's becoming an epidemic (especially in Florida). The punishment? 30 days of intensive common sense instruction at your nearest elementary school. If you're not smarter than a fifth-grader at the end of class, rinse and repeat. Bang. Done. Pay the fuck attention!

Chicago Sun-Times
Woman admits to stabbing man during sex
(CROWN POINT, Ind.) A Hammond woman admitted she stabbed a man in the chest while they were engaged in a sexual act. Irene E. Janowiak, 38, pleaded guilty Friday in Lake Superior Court to aggravated battery in exchange for a six-year prison term. Her sentencing hearing is Feb. 10 before Lake Superior Court Judge Salvador Vasquez. On May 31, 2009, Janowiak was at the man’s home in Hammond and was engaged in a consensual sex act with him when she plunged a knife into his chest near his heart. Janowiak, who is a prostitute, jumped from a second-floor window. The man grabbed a machete he kept near his bed to defend himself. Janowiak had been charged with attempted murder and attempted aggravated battery and faced a maximum 50-year sentence. Those charges will be dropped. Vasquez revoked her bond based on new charges filed and missing a court hearing in November. Janowiak was charged in July in Lake Superior Court in Hammond with possession of cocaine and possession of marijuana.

I keep telling you guys, you gotta go a little longer with the foreplay....

"If you come to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair."  Are you kiddin' me with this?  Wait, I just saw an ant outside, so I gotta grab my bulldozer and go take care of it....