April Summers Wallpaper

COLUMBUS DISPATCH - A Huron County woman stashed 47 balloons of heroin in her vagina after a quick drug deal in Columbus on Thursday, the Delaware County sheriff said yesterday. A Delaware County deputy received a tip that Tiffany Giummo, 20, of Willard, would be traveling to Columbus to buy heroin, Delaware County Sheriff Walter L. Davis III said in a news release. The deputy saw Giummo get into another vehicle about 4:25 p.m. Thursday, briefly drive around the block, then get back in her Dodge Durango. The driver of the second vehicle told the deputy that he was a confidential informant for Huron County in northern Ohio and that Giummo had 47 balloons of heroin hidden inside her body. Giummo was stopped on I-71 near Sunbury by the deputy as she was heading north. She admitted that she had heroin inside her body and said she would retrieve it, according to the release. About 4.23 grams of heroin were seized, worth about $850. The Bureau of Criminal Identification and Investigation will determine the official weight of the drug. Drug dealers often use balloons to package small amounts of heroin, about the size of the top of a pinky finger. Giummo, who faces a felony charge of possession of drugs, is being held at the Delaware County jail. "Heroin is already an extremely dangerous drug, but transporting it inside the body has taken this danger to another level," Davis said in the release. "Transporting heroin inside the body raises the risk of the drug entering the system in unknown quantities, which could result in overdose or death."

This must be some loosey cootchie. And by the way, wash off that heroin immediately. Chick looks flat out nasty. The balloons probably got an STD. Matter of fact, I pity the poor police officer who had to look at that thing and scoop out the dope (pun intended). I have a feeling Tiffany's vagina looks like the face of an angry bear. Not pretty.

NYDAILYNEWS - A Florida woman was busted by cops after she allegedly attempted to hide a knife in her "private area," police said. Gloria Esther Perez, 25, faces a charge of carrying a concealed weapon after her arrest in April. Fort Myers cops discovered the unusual hiding spot after responding to a report of Perez fighting with another woman, a police report said. When approached by an officer, Perez and the other woman, Whitney Noelle Krimmel, 28, were "very cooperative," telling him they were fighting over buying cigarettes, police said. However, the longer police remained, the more "nervous" the women appeared to be, the report said. An officer also noticed that Perez was becoming increasingly fidgety, "putting hands into her pockets and near her private area like she was trying to conceal something." Enlisting the help of a female deputy, Perez was searched and found to be hiding dozens of prescription pills, police said.Perez then "became ill," the police report states, and was taken to a hospital. Once there, it was discovered she was concealing two knives. One was tucked within the folds of her fat while the other was "hidden in her vagina." In addition to the concealed weapons charge, Perez faces several charges relating to the possession of narcotics.

These weapons of mass destruction must have been butter knives. Otherwise, how is it that G-L-O-R-I-A wasn't bleedin' all over the place? Now contrary to what some of you more feisty fans out there believe, I don't have a vagina, but I've seen one or two in my lifetime and am vaguely familiar with that specific piece of anatomy. Not so much of an expert on rolls of fat though, thankfully. But from my limited experience, the "vajayjay canal" would not be the preferred storage vehicle for sharpened stainless steel. I say drop the current charges and book this dipshit for what should be a crime in all 50 states - Misdemeanor Ridonkulous Moronic-ness. That's right, MRM for short should be a crime all across the glorious US of A because it's becoming an epidemic (especially in Florida). The punishment? 30 days of intensive common sense instruction at your nearest elementary school. If you're not smarter than a fifth-grader at the end of class, rinse and repeat. Bang. Done. Pay the fuck attention!

Deputies: Woman hid crack pipe in vagina

PUNTA GORDA - Deputies in Charlotte County say a woman admitted having a crack pipe hidden in her vagina while she was being questioned after leaving a known drug house. Tuesday, the Charlotte County Narcotics Unit was involved in an undercover operation in Punta Gorda. While deputies were in the area, that watched as 28-year-old Arlina Romero – a woman they recognized from previous drug dealings – walked in and out of a known drug house near the corner of Mark Avenue and Charlotte Street. The arrest report states that as one of the deputies started to approach Romero, she turned and began to take off, as if she were going to run. The deputy stated in the report that she also seemed to be trying to hide something in the crotch area in her pants. According to the report, she had her hands deep inside the front of her jeans and was clearly trying to hide something. When the deputy called out to her, according to the report, she pulled her hand out of her pants as she turned around to face him. The report shows that when she consented to a search, a credit card was found in her pocket – one that belonged to someone else. When asked about it, she told the deputy she had found the card. Not knowing whether the card was stolen or not, the deputy asked Romero to come with him to the Charlotte County Sheriff's District 3 Office. While she was there, the report states, she was asked if she had anything hidden inside of her pants. Romero then confessed that she had a crack pipe hidden in her vagina, according to the report. Officials say after her confession, female deputies went into a private room with her and removed the six-inch glass pipe – which later tested positive for cocaine. According to the report, while Romero was in the private room, the owner of that credit card was called. He said that card had been lost and that Romero should not have it. Romero was arrested for Possession of Cont Substance (Crack Cocaine) and Possession of Paraphernalia. She is being held without bond because she was already out on bond from a prior drug charge and she is a convicted felon.

Arlina, Arlina, Arlina. What's the matter? The credit card wouldn't fit in your punany? See, that's where ya blew it. If ya coulda slid the card in there as well this whole mess might've been avoided. C'mon, the pipe was only six inches, I'm sure there was plenty of room left.  But no, you were probably so coked up you forgot about the credit card. You figured the pipe was the thing that would getcha in hot water, but the plastic was the real culprit. It started the chain of events that gotcha locked up in the pokey. Seems as if a pro like you should know better. Let's step up your game - you're givin' crackheads a bad name.  Tsk, tsk, tsk....

Woman told to remove personalised number plates due to rude Filipino translation

THE TELEGRAPH - An Australian woman was told to remove her personalised number plates which bear her nickname 'Kiki', following a complaint that the word is Filipino for a part of the female anatomy. Kristen Perry, known as Kiki by her friends and family received a letter from the Roads and Traffic Authority (RTA) in New South Wales demanding that she show "just cause" for using the plates, otherwise they would be confiscated. The RTA said it had received a complaint from a member of the Filipino community because Mrs Perry's nickname Kiki translates to "vagina" in Tagalog. "At first I thought it was a joke, but then I realised it was actually quite serious and that my number plates would be taken off me if I didn't respond appropriately," Mrs Perry said. She said she was given the nickname Kiki as a baby in relation to her Greek heritage and had no idea of its other meaning. She was given the personalised plates as a gift from her husband five years ago. Her family was also surprised when she told them the translation, she said. "I rang my father last night and said: 'Do you know you have been calling me vagina all my life?'," she told her local paper, the Newcastle Herald. "He just said 'What?' He was appalled." After a wave of public support for her cause, the RTA backed down, saying it would take a "common sense approach" to the matter. However, it issued a warning that "personalised plates must not carry offensive language, religious or sexual content".

The Pussy-mobile! Seriously though, lighten up people. What ever happened to free speech? I say you should be allowed to have "cunt" for your license plate if that's what ya want. It's a word. Big whup. I've been callin' my friend Richard "Dick" his whole life and nobody ever seemed to get pissed about it. Keep fightin' for your rights, Pussy, er, I mean Kristen....

Police: Drugs Suspect Had Heroin-Filled Syringe In Vagina

LOUISVILLE, Ky. - Two Louisville residents are facing drug charges after police said they made a traffic stop and found one of them had a syringe in her vagina. According to arrest records, a person stopped police at Third and Florence streets Sunday afternoon and told officers that she had seen the people in a parked car shooting up. Police said the people pulled out of the lot before officers could speak to them. Police said they followed the car onto eastbound Interstate 264, where the driver was speeding but eventually stopped. According to arrest records, police asked the driver, Clayton T. Shepherd, if he had any illegal substances in the car. Shepherd said he did not, according to police. Police then asked for permission to search the car. According to arrest records, officers found a cloth bag containing cotton swabs and a syringe with unknown contents under the car's driver's seat. Police also found two glass marijuana pipes with residue and numerous baggies of marijuana in and around the front seat area of the car, according to arrest records. Shepherd's 2-year-old daughter was in the car at the time of the traffic stop, police said. Shepherd's passenger, Evelyn T. Wolford, admitted to police that she had a syringe with heroin inserted in her vagina, police said. Wolford removed the syringe under supervision of a female police officer, according to arrest records. Police said Wolford had two bottles of prescription medicine in Wolford's purse. Both bottles were prescribed to other people, according to arrest reports. Shepherd, 24, is charged with possession of a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia, endangering the welfare of a minor and speeding. Wolford, 20, is charged with possession of a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia, endangering the welfare of a minor and possession of marijuana.

So many observations, so little time.  First of all, kind of a cute couple, huh?  Looks a little like one of those Seattle grunge band couples from the '90s.  Plus the ginger's not too bad if you can look past the suitcases under her eyes.  But then we have the issue of the syringe in the punany.  Kind of pointy to begin with, but why would you ever cop to it to the police?  I mean there might be a slight chance that you could get off with some lesser charges, and wouldn't you take that chance, especially with the kid in the car?  And finally, I got no respect for my boy Clayton here.  Any gentleman would take the hit for the chick and the kid.  Man up, douche bag.  Now you're in jail, your smack-buddy is in jail and your kid is gonna spend the rest of her life with Social Services.  You're a triple-threat, asswipe.  Smarten the fuck up!  

From Mom-101.com

Pamper yourself or your mom with the comfort she deserves this Mother's Day

Hi Liz, 

Life moves too quickly. Help rejuvenate your mom with a day at the spa, indulge her with chocolates and flowers, help her relax and slow down from her fast-paced world full of deadlines, commitments and obligations. And help her be more comfortable with Replens, A Long Lasting Vaginal Moisturizer.

We all know how busy a mom’s life can be but this Mothers Day take time to educate your mom about the treatment options available for vaginal dryness. Nearly every woman will experience vaginal dryness sometime in her life, oftentimes making even daily activities unbearable. It is most often associated with the normal decline or fluctuation of the female hormone estrogen. This fluctuation can be triggered by childbirth, breastfeeding or menopause. Dryness can also be caused by stress, certain medications, or excessive exercise.

This Mothers Day take time for yourself or time to educate a woman you love about vaginal dryness and Replens!

Wow.  Nothing says Happy Mother's Day like telling the old lady her punany is drier than the Sahara Desert!  How many beatdowns will husbands and kids suffer after Moms opens up this gem?  I'd say stick with candy, flowers or an apron and avoid the violence.  Just a little Bahtendah wisdom....

From Answers.com

ANSWER
The term 'pussy' when referring to the female genitalia began as far back as the mid 14th century. The Latin word which transformed into the term 'vulva' is based in folds or rolls. This description at the time was used to describe the folds or rolls of flesh of the female genitalia. The word grew into a more clinical use and then followed with a more crude and vulgar use. As time progressed the nickname 'pussy' was developed. The nickname was created as more of a term of endearment. Meant to show more of an affection rather than a clinical or vulgar expression.

This isn't really an answer, right?  I'm still confused.  I don't get how "the nickname 'pussy' was developed."  Major fail on your part, Answers.com.  I always figured it had to do with being furry and a dude's abilty to make it purr.  But there's no mention of that here.  Hello, kitty!?!  

Cleanse Your Vagina and Boost Libido With Secret Ceres
Press Release - Secret Ceres is an organic herbal stick made from pomegranate seed extract, dripstones, and kaolin. Used internally it cleanses and tightens the vagina, rebalances vaginal pH, and improves sexual sensation and libido....


And there you have it.  It's like giving a tune-up to that special someone in your life!  Personally I know I'd be stoked if wifey gave me a gift certificate to Jiffy Lube.  Sometimes machinery needs a little lubrication.  Things dry up or get a little loose.  Maybe there's a funny smell that wasn't there before.  Tune that puppy up!  Pay attention.  You're welcome

ABC-7
Drugs found in Port Charlotte woman's vagina
ENGLEWOOD: A routine traffic stop led to the arrest of two people and an unusual discovery Wednesday. Deputies pulled over Michael Paul Williamson, 26, and his passenger, Gwendolyn Kathleen Hanisch, 21, both of 3381 Edgehill Terrace in Port Charlotte, for speeding in Englewood Wednesday evening. During the traffic stop, deputies found three cookie tins containing marijuana brownies and two marijuana pipes inside the car, according to the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office. Williamson and Hanisch were arrested and taken to the Charlotte County Jail. At the jail, after Hanisch consented to a strip search, corrections officers discovered a crumpled piece of aluminum foil containing what was believed to be LSD and two baggies of pot inside her vagina. "She produced two sandwich bags of marijuana out of her vagina," explained Bob Carpenter, with the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office. "The third item, which sounds awful, is crumbled up aluminum foil with LSD inside of it." The duo was charged with Possession of Marijuana and Possession of Drug Paraphernalia. An additional charge on Hanisch for Possession of LSD is pending the outcome of a lab test.

Who knew? Marijuana - the new dildo!  And by the way, Gwendolyn, TWO baggies of weed plus the LSD?  Seems a little roomy in there.  How 'bout you work on those Kegel excercises while you're in the pokey?  Bang.  Pay attention!