April Summers Wallpaper

This one's a little old but I completely missed it. Thanks to Mike G. for the submission - you guys are the best. Anyway, lovin' the hit. Pure execution like I'm hopin' to see this Fall once the billionaires and the millionaires settle their pissin' contest and make sure I have some NFL football to watch on Sundays. Otherwise I'm gonna have to do chick shit with Wifey, like goin' to the Mall or, God forbid, checkin' out the local yard sales, all because I won't have any excuse. Trust me, that's a fate worse than death. So let's go you asswipes, get this shit done. If not for yourselves, do it for every red-blooded American male who's more nervous than a long-tailed pussycat in a room full of rockin' chairs. Hurry up for the love of God. Pay attention!

I'm not gonna waste any time on whether this was justified or not. It clearly was. I've been taught since I was just a little Bahtendah that if someone punches you it's okay to hit back. End of story. Let's move on.

The only problem I have with what the cop did was that it was a weak-ass shot. Hey, you're probably only gonna get one, so make it count my man. They shoulda been pickin' up this chick's teeth off the floor! One shot - ya gotta go for the KO. Bring the hammer to the grill and stand over her for the 10-count. You've let me down big time. Where's the focus? Where's the hand-eye coordination? How 'bout a fake with the left and the money shot with the right? Let's get on point here, dude. Pay the fuck attention!

Get this cop a doughnut! If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. Russian food = Stoli for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This lunatic needs to be on "Russia's Got Talent" if there even is such a thing. Because even though he's completely dickered he obviously has the rhythm of a young Michael Jackson. He's just as white, too. Bravo, Officer Shotglass!

Well it's not the ending to Bonnie & Clyde but it's still entertaining. Outstanding smackdown moves by our man in blue here on both the dude and the mermaid. And she's a hippie mermaid to boot! Flashin' the peace sign, trying to swim to Europe. Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?

The Spokesman-Review - ...on Monday, a jailer found meth, marijuana, and mushrooms in the bra of a woman arrested on a Department of Corrections escape warrant during a traffic stop. Trisha L. Boulton, 25, (pictured) was a passenger in a 1993 Cadillac driven by her husband when Officer Justin Elliot stopped it for equipment and license violations about 1:30 a.m. Boulton's husband wasn't cited. In a news release, Sgt. Dave Reagan said Boulton “probably wishes the contents of her bra had remained (Victoria’s?) secret.”

Hold on a second here, since when did arresting officers become Rodney Dangerfield? Arrest the chick, shut the fuck up and give the facts. That's it. Leave the witty comments to the professionals like me. For instance, "Meth, marijuana and mushrooms, huh? Breakfast of champions!" Or how about, "Meth, marijuana and mushrooms, huh? What size are you - triple M?" Or maybe, "Hey, can I snort the meth, smoke the dope, eat the shrooms and suck the titties?" Bang. Pay attenton! I'll be here all week - tip your waitresses and try the veal....

OrlandoSentinel
Officials: Flagler deputy swiped seized cash, swapped with paper towels

A Flagler County Sheriff's deputy was arrested Wednesday, accused of stealing thousands of dollars seized in criminal investigations and replacing the money with paper towels. Sheriff's officials said Matthew Koenig, 40, was arrested about 3 p.m. Wednesday after a three-month investigation into funds missing from the Sheriff's Office's evidence room. Officials said the investigation determined that Koenig, an evidence technician, had removed and replaced $4,847 in seized funds. The theft was discovered, officials said, when another technician retrieved an envelope from the evidence room and discovered the money was missing. The Sheriff's Office said an internal audit was conducted, and the Florida Department of Law Enforcement was asked to assist with an audit and a forensic investigation. Officials said DNA evidence found on the envelopes and the paper towels inside was used to link Koenig to the theft. Investigators also reported finding "unexplained deposits" into Koenig's personal accounts in 2009 and 2010. According to a statement released later Wednesday, Koenig had been with the Sheriff's Office since 1998, and has been placed on administrative leave. He was booked into the Flagler County Inmate Facility. Records show he was released later Wednesday after posting bail. A woman who answered the phone at his home said he wasn't there. He had not returned a call seeking comment late Wednesday evening.